As 2007 comes to a close, I’m reflecting on a lot of the things I’ve seen and done, as well as some of the decisions I’ve made. With only about two more weeks left in the year, I plan on being out and about, doing some partying and socializing, but I doubt that I’ll ever see anything like this again. For that reason, I feel comfortable awarding the coon of the year award to the unnamed gentleman above.
I happened upon this poor bloke at a party last weekend in lower Manhattan. He was gracious enough to invite one of my friends up to his table, and didn’t kick us out when about 10 people proceeded to join her and down a bottle of Grey Goose without so much as asking his name. For that reason, I feel slightly guilty outing him like this, but his accessories were so unacceptable that I have no other choice. Please look closely at the picture above. Do you see something wrong?
Well, you might be able to see a few things wrong. But most of them are rather subjective. I don’t particularly like his shirt, and I’m not necessarily feeling his chain, but keep looking. Look at his earlobes. What does this man have on? WHAT DOES THIS MAN HAVE IN HIS EARS?
Sadly enough, I don’t know either. Stunned upon looking up at his leering face and seeing those heavy, gaudy, gold-plated earrings assaulting my vision, I never ended up talking to him. I think he may have asked if I wanted a drink, and with wide eyes focused on his ears, and a mouth hanging open in shock, I reached down, and without looking, got a glass, and handed it to him. He smiled, handed me the drink, and all the while I never closed my mouth. As more of my friends came over and I pointed out his earrings, I watched their reactions, from shock to disgust, and even in some cases, fear. I believe that one of my friends actually threw herself on the couch when she saw them.
As I said, even in person, after many, many minutes of staring from all different angles, I still was unable to decipher what, exactly, his earrings were supposed to be. My best guess was strawberries. Yes, I think this man had two gigantic, gold-plated strawberries hanging off his earlobes. And he KNEW he was doing it big, with his busy shirt, chain, crowded teeth and bottles of Goose. He was dancing all up on one of my friends, smiling like he had just won the lotto, and shaking those earrings for the whole club to see. And just for having the audacity to not only buy, but actually wear some foolishness like that, I’ve awarded him the Coon of the Year award.
Strawberry Shortcake, congratulations.
I happened upon this poor bloke at a party last weekend in lower Manhattan. He was gracious enough to invite one of my friends up to his table, and didn’t kick us out when about 10 people proceeded to join her and down a bottle of Grey Goose without so much as asking his name. For that reason, I feel slightly guilty outing him like this, but his accessories were so unacceptable that I have no other choice. Please look closely at the picture above. Do you see something wrong?
Well, you might be able to see a few things wrong. But most of them are rather subjective. I don’t particularly like his shirt, and I’m not necessarily feeling his chain, but keep looking. Look at his earlobes. What does this man have on? WHAT DOES THIS MAN HAVE IN HIS EARS?
Sadly enough, I don’t know either. Stunned upon looking up at his leering face and seeing those heavy, gaudy, gold-plated earrings assaulting my vision, I never ended up talking to him. I think he may have asked if I wanted a drink, and with wide eyes focused on his ears, and a mouth hanging open in shock, I reached down, and without looking, got a glass, and handed it to him. He smiled, handed me the drink, and all the while I never closed my mouth. As more of my friends came over and I pointed out his earrings, I watched their reactions, from shock to disgust, and even in some cases, fear. I believe that one of my friends actually threw herself on the couch when she saw them.
As I said, even in person, after many, many minutes of staring from all different angles, I still was unable to decipher what, exactly, his earrings were supposed to be. My best guess was strawberries. Yes, I think this man had two gigantic, gold-plated strawberries hanging off his earlobes. And he KNEW he was doing it big, with his busy shirt, chain, crowded teeth and bottles of Goose. He was dancing all up on one of my friends, smiling like he had just won the lotto, and shaking those earrings for the whole club to see. And just for having the audacity to not only buy, but actually wear some foolishness like that, I’ve awarded him the Coon of the Year award.
Strawberry Shortcake, congratulations.
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