Classy!

Ahhh, I love geniuses. Especially geniuses who commit genius crimes! Like these people:

Enter Roger and Nicole, two lovely citizens from Ohio (Midwest: stand up! ). Roger and Nicole, just greedy young bucks, decided that they needed some money. Instead of working overtime, or even robbing someone or moonlighting as strippers, they decided to rob the armored car company that Roger worked for. Now, I've never committed serious crimes, but I have watched Law & Order quite a bit. So if I were to commit a serious crime, I feel like I'd be pretty well versed on how not to make stupid mistakes.

Well, Roger and Nicole clearly aren't as bright as yours truly. Though they succeeded in stealing $8.4MM by using another employee's access code, then loading up a truck with the money, it all went downhill from there. They decided to drive the truck to their new digs, stopping only once on the way: to get McDonald's. I'm sorry, but you just stole $8.4MM. At least stop at Red Lobster, or something. But nope, they got some Mickey D's, threw out their cell phones, and kept it moving. No, not to Greece. Or the Cayman Islands. Or even Miami.

They went to West Virginia, where they had a trailer all set up for them. THey had been back and forth already, stocking up on books, video games, and probably, combs for their mullets. West Virginia. If I stole that much money, I'd already have the private jet waiting for me, and thats the last anyone would hear from me. You might get a scenic postcard from "Georgina", with no return address, letting you know I'm alive, but thats about it. You would NEVER catch me in West Virginia.

I mean, you stole millions of dollars, and they only place your small mind led you was a trailer park in West Virginia? You don't deserve the money anyway! Have fun in prison!

BARACK THE VOTE!

I LOVE this family! If you're in a super Tuesday state, make sure you go out and vote!

This Ain't Right

Take a good look at the white people pictured above. They look a little bit strange, right? Just a tad? Maybe it was all those years of walking around with fabrics draped over their faces.

Those people are Prince Michael, aka Blanket, and . . . I won't pretend to know her name. But the girl is also MJ's child. Yup folks, the two people pictured above have the unfortunate destiny of being claimed by Michael Jackson, if he's still alive.

These two people came from God-knows-where, and are potentially mothered by that random white woman who was in the pictures years ago, and some unnamed, though clearly Caucasian sperm. So they don't really know who their parents are, I assume. And just when life couldn't get any stranger, here comes Michael Jackson, with his prosthetic nose, pale skin and hawaiian silky hair-plugged tresses, naming them Blanket, dangling them out of windows, speaking in a falsetto like the Dream's girl, and pretending his Black DNA could possibly have produced them.

If you ever feel sorry for yourself, if you ever go home for the holidays and think "I can't wait to get away from these lunatics", if you ever mistake your parent's quirkiness for craziness, stop and thank the Lord that you don't have to call Michael Jackson 'Dad'. Because you truly would have never had a chance. Do you think these kids will ever have friends? I mean, they might have before. 'Jackson' is a fairly standard last name, and assuming Blanket's mom was smart enough to keep 'Blanket' off his birth certificate, the kids at their private school might never have known. THen the blogs had to come along and ruin it all.

Bet you these kids have spitballs in their hair as I type. No matter how nice they may seem, no parent is going to let their kids play with Michael Jackson's children. At least, I wouldn't. There's no telling what they'd be exposed to. And life may not really ever improve from the day of their reveal on: who wants Michael, LaToya, Janet, Tito, Joe and the rest of 'em as in laws?