That Guido Smell

So I’m at the club the other night, with my drink and my two step, wondering why I had been coerced into being there, and trying to drink the edge off it all. It was a midtown, New York City club, so all of the usual annoyances were in full swing: the DJ that tried to hard to cater to the mixed crowd, alternating “Living on a Prayer” with “Push It” and “From the window to the wall” (or whatever that horrible song is called), the wanna-be video hoes whipping their weaves in my eyes, the abundance of black male WWLs (reference: Rangel post, and the point at which I digressed), a specific wigger turned Penn graduate who I avoid at all costs, the infiltration of the bridge and tunnel folk, and the general corniness that is weekend crowds.

But I’m most thankful for is the west-village white girls, who were wildin out in the most unprofessional manner. Besides being on the verge of death by alcohol poisoning and ‘freak dancing’ with their men of choice, they were in full snob mode, as disgusted, if not more, with the crowd than I was. Whenever a wanna-be video ho, or bridge and tunnel-er, or even, the Penn wigger tried to trespass into their space, they would look completely revolted, and spill their drinks all over their Louboutins in an effort to get away. I watched one particularly amusing interaction, when a man who I would guess was from Staten Island tried to show off the moves he’d picked up from MTV’s The Grind as a child. Aggressively bobbing and jerking, and even doing a little spin, he was pretty much unconcerned with whether or not she was interested.

Well, she wasn’t. She was completely horrified, and ran into the arms of another guy, who looked a little more monied and a lot less bridge and tunnel. “ohmigod! HELP me! Ugh! I can’t stand him!”. Her friend laughs, and hugs her, and says something I can’t hear. Here comes the highlight of my night. Safe and sound in her with her friend, the girl looks over her shoulder at the guy who had tried to dance with her. She looks back at her friend, and was like “ugh! He’s sooo disgusting! And he totally had that, like, Guido smell”.

Dead wrong.