Recently, I went on a date with an unfortunate lad who made all the wrong decisions. In fact, he’ll probably be the subject of quite a few posts. And to clarify, I wouldn’t necessarily call it a date, but for hesitation of divulging details about my life, and lack of a better word, I’ll call it that.
Anyway, I opted for a delicious breakfast of corned beef hash, scrambled eggs, and Johnny Cake. My friend opted for the same. However, the two fools we were with ate some of the most “I’m not getting lucky tonight” food a man could eat. Not that they were getting lucky at all. Quietly, the fact that they were even eating with us was more a testament to the fact that we’d had a few drinks, but that was about all the liberty we were willing to take, liquored up as we may have been. So man #1 orders something strange, like stewed sheep tongue or something. I’m not knocking anyone’s cultural foods, but please don’t eat sheep tongue the first time you meet a woman. It’s inappropriate.
However, man of the year on the other side of the table took the cake. He looked at the menu, closed it, smiled at the waiter, and ordered tuna salad. TUNA SALAD? You mean to tell me you just ordered tuna salad, and you’re sitting next to me? And you expect to have a conversation? Unprofessional. I don’t care how much you like tuna fish: eat it at home, and consume several gallons of mouthwash after you do, please. So, ignoring the look of shock on my face, this fool got his tuna and started to eat it. And that was when my stomach started to turn. Attempts to make conversation were met with my scrunched up face and look of disgust. Actually, that was only the first attempt at conversation. All subsequent ones were met by the back of my head, as I turned away from his breath to keep myself from retching. After that, I couldn’t wait to get away from him, and couldn’t sleep for fear of having nightmares of his breath. As I said, he wasn’t getting anything more than my voicemail to begin with, but now he won’t even get that.
So fellas, if you ever want to sabotage a date, get back at someone you don’t like, or just act a fool, order Tuna Salad on a date and try to talk to the girl next to you.
Anyway, I opted for a delicious breakfast of corned beef hash, scrambled eggs, and Johnny Cake. My friend opted for the same. However, the two fools we were with ate some of the most “I’m not getting lucky tonight” food a man could eat. Not that they were getting lucky at all. Quietly, the fact that they were even eating with us was more a testament to the fact that we’d had a few drinks, but that was about all the liberty we were willing to take, liquored up as we may have been. So man #1 orders something strange, like stewed sheep tongue or something. I’m not knocking anyone’s cultural foods, but please don’t eat sheep tongue the first time you meet a woman. It’s inappropriate.
However, man of the year on the other side of the table took the cake. He looked at the menu, closed it, smiled at the waiter, and ordered tuna salad. TUNA SALAD? You mean to tell me you just ordered tuna salad, and you’re sitting next to me? And you expect to have a conversation? Unprofessional. I don’t care how much you like tuna fish: eat it at home, and consume several gallons of mouthwash after you do, please. So, ignoring the look of shock on my face, this fool got his tuna and started to eat it. And that was when my stomach started to turn. Attempts to make conversation were met with my scrunched up face and look of disgust. Actually, that was only the first attempt at conversation. All subsequent ones were met by the back of my head, as I turned away from his breath to keep myself from retching. After that, I couldn’t wait to get away from him, and couldn’t sleep for fear of having nightmares of his breath. As I said, he wasn’t getting anything more than my voicemail to begin with, but now he won’t even get that.
So fellas, if you ever want to sabotage a date, get back at someone you don’t like, or just act a fool, order Tuna Salad on a date and try to talk to the girl next to you.
1 comment:
preach!! ...so omg... he ordered sheep tongue?? cleary i was too blitz to notice :-/
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